Precious ones,
A new school year is upon us. It’s a big one - new schools for all of you, Kindergarten for one of you, full-time preschool for another. A new job for me. We will be seeing a lot less of each other as we spend our days at our schools and jobs, but that’s a letter for another day. Today I want to share with you (and remind myself of) something that will change your life if you’ll let it. As you advance through your school careers, you’re going to be faced with numerous measuring sticks. There will be grades - and eventually ranks based on those grades. There will be standardized tests. There will be passing and failing. There will be tryouts for teams that not everyone will get to join. There will be numbers assigned to you, meant to measure your worth in some arbitrary way. There will be contests with winners and losers.
There will be other contests as well, but people won’t speak of those. Beauty contests. Contests for friendships and popularity. Comparisons - who has the most money, the coolest toys and latest gadgets, the most fashionable clothes, the best summer vacations, the most exciting plans for the weekend. Who is the fastest, the fittest, the best in social situations, the funniest. Who fits in and who doesn’t. Contests everywhere you look. No one will mention these and no ribbons or medals will be awarded, but you’ll feel it just the same.
Here’s the grand secret, sweet children. Life is not a contest. It’s just not. No one else has to lose in order for you to win. No one has to be “out” in order for you to be “in.” There is enough for everyone. There is plenty for everyone, and there is plenty for you. You will NEVER have to take something from someone else in order to have it for yourself. That’s just not the truth, no matter what the world will try to tell you. You don’t need to be the prettiest or the smartest, the fastest or the funniest - and neither does anyone else. This is a myth - to chase after it would be to spend your life searching for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, missing everything along the way. There is enough beauty to be found in everyone if you will see people for who they are. There are enough ideas if you will generously listen to those of others and share yours freely. You don’t need to hold on too tightly to anything. Nothing worth keeping can ever be taken from you. So lower your fists and open your hands. Open your hearts.
You don’t need to be the best. The only thing you need to be the best at is being fully yourself, and guess what? No one is competing against you for that job. It is rightfully yours and always will be. Learn to relax into that. You are becoming who you will be, and you already are who you will be. And who you are is ENOUGH. You don’t have to strive or compete. This is not a contest.
You will meet people along the way who are striving with every fiber of their being. You will know them because there will be no peace in their faces or joy in their eyes. You will see the struggle on them, for it is a heavy burden they carry. They will see you as a competitor at best, an enemy at worst. It’s okay. These people are not bad people. They just believe the lie that life is a contest, that there is a limited amount goodness in this world and that they have to fight to get their fair share. They are searching relentlessly for a pot of gold that doesn’t exist.
Here’s how you can show grace to those who are striving and struggling - stand in the fullness of grace and truth that belongs to you. Stand with your hands and hearts open. REFUSE to join this race with no finish line. Stand in the eye of the storm and invite others to enter in with you. Become a place of peace for others by being at peace with yourself. Someone may see you in all of your beautiful uniqueness - in all of your YOUness - and put down their fists as well. Someone may cease to fight against you and instead come alongside you. Others will continue to compete, and that’s okay. Because you are not in this contest.
Life is a team sport, and we’re all on the same team. And as soon as we realize that, we have already won. Let’s get this victory party started!
Always on your team,
Mama
