If You See Something, Say Something

Yesterday I took all three of my kids to Trader Joe's for the first time.  Let me rephrase that.  Yesterday I took all three of my kids to the grocery store for the first time.  We've been to Target countless times, of course, but what with Marin's preschool schedule this past year and the fact that I am married to a man who LOVES to go to the grocery store for us (for real), we just haven't ever braved the aisles of any grocery store en masse.  Until yesterday.  And Trader Joe's of all places.  Always busy, and there are KID CARTS.  The last time I went was when Soren was a newborn and Marin was in preschool. We would drop Marin off, wrap Soren up in the Moby for his morning nap, and Parker and I would have a little face time while she rode in the cart.  We would roam the aisles for sometimes two hours just singing to each other and shopping and being silly.  It was really a blast.  

But this time there was no preschool, no Moby nap to be had, and no more of Parker riding happily in the cart since she is now a big girl.  So.  We had a little family meeting before we left for the store and it went a little something like this:

We are going to need some serious teamwork, guys.  This is our first time to do this all together, and Mama needs you to be awesome helpers.  Wouldn't it be sad if there was fussing and it was a total disaster and Mama had to cry like this [dramatic fake crying] because it was too hard?  Nodding all around.  Yes, that would be sad.  And there are kid carts.  So what's our best bet?  Do you girls want to walk next to my cart or would you like to drive your own carts?  Yes, Mom, of course we both need to have our own kid carts.  Okay.  So Soren will be in the carrier and I am going to need you girls to be totally amazing so that we can pull this off.  Are we ready for this?  Yes.  We've got this.

So off we went with full bellies and a long list of items.  And it. was. a. miracle.  The kids were FABULOUS, just as we had planned.  They loaded up those little red carts like pros.  They didn't argue (for more than a few tiny seconds) over who got to carry what in whose cart.  They said "excuse me" to other customers as we passed and didn't even run into the back of my legs as we went caravan style up and down every aisle.  They smiled and were charming and helped unload their carts for the cashier.  I mean, totally miraculous.

As we left with our stickers and a cart full of brown bags, I felt like I was the most amazing parent in the world.  Picture a mom walking slo-mo through the automatic doors, a baby strapped to her front, pushing a cart with a dress-clad little girl holding on to either side - everyone SMILING.  I could almost hear "We Are The Champions" playing in the background.  At that moment an older couple coming into the store approached us in the parking lot, and the woman said, "You have three lovely children. And you deserve a star today, mom."  I can now die happy because I have achieved ultimate success.

That lady could have smiled and walked past us without saying anything.  But, in the wisdom of her years, she recognized that I had just completed a feat of strength and patience.  She, too, could hear the song playing as we exited the store.  So she took the trouble to totally make my day by acknowledging that I had been victorious.  It was so nice.  It was nice for me to hear, and it was nice for my children to be complimented on their grand behavior.  I was able to tell them, once we were all strapped into our seats and driving home, that they had made other people's hearts feel cozy by choosing good attitudes, by being kind to one another instead of arguing, by sharing their smiles in the store and by being so helpful to me.  It was one of those moments I will cherish forever because we were all feeling so darn proud of ourselves.

Here's the thing.  My first trip with all three kiddos to Trader Joe's was a success story.  But I can just about guarantee that we will have other days when not everyone decides to choose a good attitude and to share their smiles.  There will be days when I'm too tired to be as Pollyanna as is sometimes required to get everyone on the same page and usher them through the store without a hitch.  There will be days when the heartbreak of not getting to select the items for their carts will be too much and the tears will flow freely and loudly.  There will be days when the girls are fighting or someone's hungry or someone's shoes don't feel right and I will be rammed in the back of the legs with those little red carts as we navigate those crowded aisles.  There will be days when our parking lot theme song will be "I Will Survive" and even then it will be more of a farfetched hope than an anthem.  

And on those days, I don't expect that any sweet old ladies will be telling me my children are lovely or that I deserve a star.  But it will be those days that I will need a word of encouragement more than I did yesterday.  So here's what I think would be great, fellow customers and people of the world:  If you see something, say something.  If you see a mom who seems to have it all together and whose kids are all acting like model children, say something.  It may look easy on the surface, but it is not easy.  It's like what they say about ducks -  they appear from above the water to be gliding along smoothly but are paddling like hell below the water to make it happen.  That's pretty much how it is for us moms.  And that's why it's so very nice for you to take a moment and applaud our efforts.  You never know how much your encouragement will mean to the paddler.  

On the flip side, if you see a mom who is on the brink of tears, whose child is LOSING IT because she won't cave and buy that dumb toy or candy in the checkout lane (or because they're fighting or someone's hungry or someone's shoes don't feel right) say something.  Don't give advice here, just encourage.  I think something along the lines of, "I've been there, and you're doing great" would be appropriate.  I don't know.  Maybe some moms will feel like decking you for butting in.  But I'm guessing most would welcome at the very least a smile instead of a judgmental glare.  We're doing our best, people.  And our children really are charming and wonderful and OH HOW WE WISH YOU COULD SEE THEM WHEN THEY ARE ACTING LIKE IT instead of this small snippet of life you're privy to in the checkout lane.

If you see something, say something.  It will only take a moment, and your encouragement will echo for a very long time.  Paddle on.